I’m not a big fan of bugs, regardless of whether I’m on their territory, or they’re on mine.
That said, I’d much rather remove them from my presence than deal with them invading my space.
But this is easier said than done.
Especially if they are one of two things:
1. Fast-moving.
2. Hard-shelled critters.
The fast-moving ones are a pain in the rear to catch and dispose of. What’s even worse though, is if they have the hard shells. Creatures with the hard shells are often time the most difficult to get rid of. You don’t want to step on them, lest you’re met with the loud crunching then SQUISHing sound escaping from their crushed bodies. Let’s face it. I don’t care if you’re Chuck Norris. That’s just nasty. Nobody wants to hear that.
So, what’s a person to do?
Get out the heavy duty bathroom cleaner. Or kitchen cleaner. Or disinfectant. Or any household detergent filled with harsh, abrasive, industrial strength chemicals.
And then you spray. Or pour. Or douse. Whatever strikes your fancy.
And then you watch.
I would imagine their ordeal plays out a little like this:
The bug you are trying to kill is simply strolling along, minding it’s own business, with no intention of harassing you, when suddenly they are met with a lovely light drizzle from heaven-ward.
No biggie.
Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum.
Along they shuffle, footloose, fancy-free when…
WHAM!
They’re suddenly disoriented, paralyzed, slammed with intense pain radiating throughout their crunchy-creepy-crawly body.
But they’ve faced worse. So, they shake it off and they’re up and running.
Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum.
When…
WHAM-BAM!
Uh-oh. They’re down for a longer count this time.
They crawl forward. They creep back. They scrunch up their legs, they stretch them out…
And it’s over.
All thanks to Lysol or Pinesol or Rubbing Alcohol or Febreeze or what have you.
My sister and I have killed our buggy friends this way for years.
It’s not only effective, but it’s ick-free for the killer.
Not so for the bug, but you can’t have it both ways when you’re trying to off the enemy, right?
I work with some people at the store who will do anything to keep from killing a bug. Even the ugly ones. Instead, they will catch them and release them…BACK INTO NATURE WHERE THEY CAN JUST DO THE SAME THING ALL OVER AGAIN TO SOME POOR UNSUSPECTING SIX YEAR OLD WITH RINGLET CURLS AND BRIGHT BLUES EYES NAMED KAITLIN WHO’S JUST TRYING TO GET HOME TO FEED HER CAT, MIMI.
I don’t think that’s fair, people. Sure, put them back out there to harm someone else. Isn’t that a bit like letting a stray, rabid dog roam a playground at noon in early September?
HUH?
I once had a spider “friend” visit me at work in the bathroom. We’ll call him Igor. Igor was HUGE. And I’m pretty sure he ate all his off-spring in order to get this way. But I digress.
I couldn’t take care of business with Igor sitting there, waiting to pounce, so I enlisted the help of my tree-hugging friend to get rid of him. But she wouldn’t. She said he would be instrumental in maintaining a healthy eco-system.
Healthy eco-system my you-know-what.
I couldn’t KILL him with my foot. He was UGE!!! And when I say, UGE, I mean like bigger than my left ear lobe and then some.
So, I took out the Comet.
Squirt, squirt.
And I was back to work.
A few hours later, my coworker entered the bathroom literally HORRIFIED by the sight she found on the bathroom floor. A flattened Igor, dead from the harsh chemical fumes. Apparently he thought he could outsmart the attack by flattening himself out. But he was no match for my friend, Comet.
The sight actually made me laugh. It made my coworker scared of me. Apparently, she thought it was sadistic.
It’s a BUG. Okay? I don’t find anything sadistic about it.
Not really.
Maybe a little.
But you know what, in order to live in my happy place, I need to embrace my inner sadist every now and then.
You should try it. It’s kinda fun.
It’s better than leaving Kaitlin to fend for herself.
1 Comment
July 21, 2008 at 11:06 am
ROFL!!!!!
If anyone says you can’t write…..well spray them with some Febreze!