Understanding Sexy

Apparently, I don’t “get” sexy

At all.  Because what passes for “sexy” today…is so not.

For example, yesterday I was clicking through the channels trying to find something halfway decent to watch on the old telly.  That’s when I came across the movie, “The Transporter II.”

Now normally, action flicks with lots of martial artistry and heavy weaponry aren’t really my thing, but there was nothing…else…on.  So, I decided to stare at it for a minute or two.

Enter evil lingerie-clad woman. 

She wants to kidnap this kid.  Apparently, she really doesn’t like children, so she does what any other self-respecting child disliker would do.

She kidnaps this kid. 

In her underwear.

At first I was very confused.

Did her clothes get wet and she was waiting for them to dry?  Did they get dirty and she threw them in the laundry?  Was the weather exceptionally hot that day?  Had she torn her clothes in a fit of passion and not had the time to mend them?

Why was she in her underwear?  I was so concerned about this I could not focus on what was happening in the movie.  The only thing I cared about was figuring out what happened to her disappearing clothing.  WHERE-OH-WHERE could it have gone?

I finally gave up, figuring she hadn’t had much on in the first place.  So, I tried to follow the sequence of events as the violence unfolded.

“Tried to” is the key phrase there.

It just didn’t make sense to me why she would decide to kidnap a child in her pink bra and panties with the black lace edging.  WHY?  You couldn’t have thrown some sweats on?  You’re dealing with a child here.  What if he decides to vomit or snot all over you?  Then what?  Something like that is not going to come out of those delicates any too easy.

What was even more confusing was why she had paired her ensemble with a pair of five inch fire-engine red stiletto heels.

Woman, who let you go out the door in that?

What was even more baffling (yes, it gets worse) is that I believe the movie was tring to pass the woman off as sexy. 

Lingerie does not make a woman sexy.

Nor does the makeup job of a crack addict.

She looked like a street person running around in some very expensive “sexy little things.”

But, if the movie was motivated to create this character on the premise that “sex sells,” they failed miserably.

There was nothing sexy about any of it.  Anywhere.  And trust me, I tried to find it.

Another reason I don’t “get” sexy?

I read this report online today about Victoria’s Secret revamping their look.  (Thank heavens.)

Apparently, they want to make it classier and more feminine.  They want to leave behind the image of being “too sexy.”  (Double thank heavens.)

Apparently, the entire premise for Victoria’s Secret came about because the man who started the company wanted to be able to buy lingerie for his wife without feeling creepy and skeevy. 

Okay, good idea…but then why would the company resort to selling lingerie that caters primarily to prostitutes?  What’s not creepy and skeevy about that?  Ever think about the woman in the equation?   Ever think that she’d prefer not to feel creepy and skeevy when she goes to buy lingerie for herself?  I mean, I can’t even look in the store windows or through a catalog or on their Website without accusing myself of being an all-out slut n’ whore for three days straight afterwards.  And that’s just when I’m looking at their SWIMWEAR. 

Classier?  More feminine?  Uh, YA THINK?  I applaud the efforts of the company to change their image, but HOW COME NO ONE EVER THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE? 

My point?  I don’t really have one…except to say that apparently, my definition of “sexy” is so very different than that of everyone else in the world.

Apparently, I don’t truly understand the meaning. 

Or maybe I do, and it’s everyone else who’s a big idiot.