AWKWAAAAARD

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I watched this movie the other day.

It was from the 60s.

Called “The Sterile Cuckoo.”

Starring Liza Minelli.  And some guy I’m not familiar with.

It was by the guy who did “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”

Apparently, he really had a thing for Cuckoos.

ANYWAY…

Here was Liza Minelli acting all bi-polar and crazy and extraordinarily high strung and just plain…weird.

But she was weird in an oddly endearing way.

And she meets this boy and he thinks she’s sort of off her rocker, but lo and behold, they begin a relationship.

And it’s all very cute and sweet and romantic…

Until they have all the sex.

They decide they need to consummate their relationship, so they check into a motel under married names.

And there’s this…love scene of sorts that lasts about 20 minutes…

And I swear to you, it was the most awkward love scene I have ever seen in my life.

And when I say awkward, I mean…

AWKWAAAAARD.

You know how normally in movies you have a guy and a girl who have this awesome chemistry and when it comes to the love scene it’s just all out…going at it?  Clothes are flung and there’s this mad-dash to the bedroom and everything is just hot and heavy and almost desperate?  And then it’s just strategically place camera shots to make you think they’re…doing stuff?

Ahem.

This scene was not like that.

This scene was about a reluctant virgin boy and an overly-zealous virgin girl…and….it TOOK FOREVER TO GET OVER WITH.

Liza Minelli kept making comments like, “You wanna peel the tomato?”  Which translates into, “You wanna take off my clothes?”

So, he’s all like, “Sure, okay.”

BUT SHE’S IN A WINTER JACKET.

She’s so bundled up, it takes forever to get everything off.  And then she takes her tights off and jumps in the air and says, “Ta-DAH!”

And the guy’s all like, “You have a beautiful body,” because he doesn’t know what else to say…cause he’s wondering if he needs to make small talk.

And then they go through this big thing where he has to take his clothes off…

And that takes ANOTHER 10 minutes.

And then they just lay awkwardly in bed not sure what to say to each other until he decides to kiss her and the camera flashes to another scene.

It was soooooooooo weird.

It was like watching a love scene from “The Brady Bunch.”  I felt like I was spying on two dorky, gawky teens (they were college students) that I REALLY shouldn’t be spying on.  I kept squirming and changing the channel….not because it was naughty, but because I felt like I was infringing on their personal lives.  Like I was in the room with them, watching something I shouldn’t be. 

And yet it was fascinating because it was such a picture of virginal awkwardness…unlike the smut you see on TV with teenagers just going at it.

Needless to say, it was a weird movie.  I found out as I watched the end, it was quite the pointless movie too.  (But then again, I’m always desperate for closure with movies.)  But that love scene…

SO HORRIBLE….and yet….

Oddly Fascinating.

And I just feel creepy saying that…

Kay, bye.

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Filed under movies, randomness, relationships